I once knew a man,
who looked just like me;
green eyes, long hair, no tan,
but with a smile that stretched
from cheek to cheek, as far as the eye could see.

I once heard that that very man,
went out sailing into the deep blue sea.
Alone, he took only his boat and began.
I thought him a fool when I heard,
but that’ll stay between you and me.

The man, the one I once knew,
went sailing for years - we thought him to be dead.
Surely, a single man could not sail through
the treacherous waters of the unforgiving blue.
All who had once known him were filled with dread.

I thought about that man every hour of the day.
His journeys may have been cut short,
but in my dreams, they had stayed.
A glimmer of hope had kept me unafraid;
the limitless smile he had for support.

It was all that man needed, you see,
there was no doubt in my mind.
With a smile as wide as his that ran from cheek to cheek,
there was no way in hell he’d succumb to the sea.
I had hoped he’d found what it was he was trying to find.

Three long years had passed by,
full of every sunny day and relentless night.
I was sat on the beach, glaring at where sea met sky.
I saw a boat on the water that strangely seemed to catch my eye.
It was the man I once knew. What a wonderful sight.

I ran to the docks as fast as I could.
He sailed into the quay and looked out across the bay.
I hurled myself towards him and the boards shook where he stood.
I spoke no words; I barely knew him after all, even though I should.
Looking him up and down, from top to toe, I didn’t know what to say.

I was overwhelmingly glad he was actually alive
and lived to tell the tale of his neverending journey,
but something seemed off about the fellow, for as soon as he arrived,
I noticed his smile that went on for miles and miles had not survived.
I asked why this was, despite the time, and he told me sternly.

"I went in search of happiness, friend,
and it was happiness I found.
Though my voyage was long and I thought it would never end,
it’s definitely an experience I would recommend,”
he said as he stepped onto solid ground.

I asked where his smile had gone.
It was the only thing that was on my mind.
"There’s a transformation that I’ve undergone,"
he said with a yawn.
"My meaning to life has been redefined."

Dumbfounded by the words that came from his lips,
I asked him exactly what he meant regarding “redefined.”
"Along this journey, I’ve finally come to grips
with the fact that, despite my efforts, good relationships
are near impossible to find.”

"Relationships with people, music, food and drink.
Most of the these, you would never acknowledge.
A life filled with emptiness, yet you never think
to find what it is you’re looking for and it pushes you to the brink.
It’s almost as if your own life is taking you hostage.”

"I went on my journey, long ago,
to find that which truly makes me happy.
I found the moon along my trip and now I know,
happiness is not something life will show,
you have to go out there and find it, you see.”

"So I set sail across the ocean,
and found what I was searching for all along.
The moon brought peace to my mind, such a beautiful emotion,
and it’s finally put the rest of my long life into motion.
I can live in happiness all year long.”

"I lost my smile, that much is true,
but I gave it to the sweet moon,
for she guided me through
all the turmoil I faced across the Blue
when I saw her rise in the afternoon.”

"I lost my smile, that much is known,
but I gave it to the delicate moon.
She gave me light when I was lost and alone.
And i’ll tell you this, dear friend, when she shone,
from life’s crushing blows, I was immune.”

"I needed not a safety net
or lifejacket on my boat.
The moon was all I needed; I was set.
I promise you, I will never forget
her light shining across the waters where I was afloat.”

"All I needed was her sweet light;
she had brought my mind to calm.
See, all you need in your long life
is a beautiful thing like Her to guide you through the night.
I’ll give you these,” he said, dropping keys into my palm.

"Go and sail the fragile seas,
and don’t come back until you find
what it is you need to bring peace,
or whatever you may need,
to bring calm to your mind.”

And so I did.

I went out into the ocean,
and lived to tell the tale.
I even found the moon again.
She still remembers me from the
first time I set sail.

- fortyeight.

( just to confirm what this is all about: you can choose to derive your own meaning from all these words i’ve put together, but how I see it is so:
you don’t need everything in your life to be perfect to make you happy, you just need that one perfect thing and it’ll all be alright.
both of the characters are the same person and I’ve done this because, even though you might find what you’re looking for in life, it won’t be around forever, so you have to keep going out and finding it. Happiness is an ever-changing emotion, so you’ll have to put in a lot of work to keep it with you along your journey. The rest of the poem and all the little meanings you can derive from it are up to you. I have my own, and hopefully you’ll find your own meanings in it too. c: )

to anyone that actually gives a damn

new poem soon. x


(and yes, that’s what you are)
don’t let life get you down.

Put on a smile and
replace that defunct frown.

I’d love to write
another poem
about a depressing night,
but the problem
is that I can’t.

To put it simply,
I’m happy.
At least that’s
what I think.

Life’s being easy
on me for now.
And yet,
I still drink.

To be honest,
dear “reader”,
and I don’t know why
i’m telling you this:

I no longer feel
that I need a therapist.

Life is good,
yet it affects
my writing.

That niggling thought
is always on my mind,
constantly biting.

I want to be a writer,
but I’m no longer sad.

I’ll still write,
trust me,
but it might be bad.

The most I’ve written,
at least in the recent past,
has been while
I’ve been drinking
from a bottomless glass.

I don’t really feel anymore,
and I don’t know why.

Let’s hope it lasts.

Always and forever,

 - fortyeight

a drunken goodnight

3:22 AM 

Drunk off of love,
being an asshole,
and alcohol.

Cigarette smoke
slowly but surely
my desperate lungs.

The music’s sweet,
dulcet tones,
invade my ears
and shake my bones.

My bed calls out;
waiting for me.
I have no choice,
I let it be.

It’s time to dive
into my lonely dreams
and tear them to pieces;
rip them apart at the seams. 

I wish you all a goodnight.

I hope it’s better than mine.

- fortyeight.

A Westbound Train

I’ve been travelling West
for far too long,
trying my very best
at getting home.

I’ve been travelling West,
for the past few years.
Trying my hardest
to see you again.

I’ve been gone for a while,
but I’ll see you soon.
Your face, your eyes, your smile.
I’ve dreamt of it forever.

I’ve been gone for a while
and now I’m travelling West,
on these rails for hundreds of miles,
but soon my journey’ll be at it’s end.

I came out East long ago.
Finding happiness was difficult,
more than you’ll ever know.
The stars had stopped shining for me.

I came out East long ago
because I couldn’t stay there any longer.
The scars, they might now show,
but they’re all still here.

I’m headed West now.
I can’t wait to come back.
I’ve survived, no idea how.
I try not to question it.

I’m headed West now,
been lost for far too long.
I’ll never go back East, that I can vow,
especially with you here.

Atop this Westbound train, I sit,
dreaming dreams of you.
I can see the stars again and i’ll admit,
I’d forgotten they existed.

Atop this Westbound train, I sit,
looking up at the Northern Lights.
My life was in ruins, but I’ll forget it,
because I have you here.

You’re my stars,
my guiding light.
You take away the pain of scars
and help me through the night.
I love you.

- fortyeight

( inspired by Rob Scallon’s wonderful song, A Westbound Train. Check it out here :  - - - and my beautiful girlfriend. c: )

shooting stars

I saw them under moonlight
for the very first time.
I witnessed their magic
and it was sublime.

they ran past my eyes
and set my pupils ablaze.
my irises clouded over at the sight
of the clear sky filled with their bright rays.

a sky so empty,
yet so full of light.
black dotted with streaking yellow
drowning out the spot of lonely white.

they left behind them
a faint trail of stardust.
all they wanted was to stay
so they reached out for the moon with lust.

Upon their fading memory,
I made a single wish and yet,
it never came true
because i can still remember
and never forget.


My sweet little girl,
go to sleep.
You can say hello to the world
tomorrow, when the sun awakens
from its short and solemn slumber.
The sky blue flowers in the garden
will greet you with their beauty and grace.
The fluttering butterflies will kiss your cheeks
as they stop for a short rest atop the curves of your face.
The moon will wish you goodnight
and the stars will twinkle along.
The crickets’ and the racket they make
will be your sweet lullaby song.

My beautiful everything,
go to sleep.
I’m sure tomorrow will bring
gentle memories and new dreams.
I can only hope, after all.
The sky blue flowers in the garden
will grow again and love you just the same.
The fluttering butterflies will come once more;
flapping in excitement at the sound of your name.
The moon isn’t here though
and neither are the stars,
so the crickets and the racket they make
will be heard on Mars.

My fragile darling,
go to sleep.
I know it’s hard; your world is falling
slowly apart, but focus on the future;
that’s my best advice.
The sky blue flowers in the garden
have been gone for a while, you know.
The fluttering butterflies
stopped flying long ago.
The moon is dying
and the stars are have darkened.
The crickets have quieted,
but I’m still here,
so my dear,
do not be disheartened.

My broken sweetheart,
go to sleep.
Your world has fallen apart
and shattered into pieces.
There’s nothing left to do but dream.
The sky blue flowers in the garden
have been dead for weeks.
The fluttering butterflies can no longer kiss
your rough and fractured cheeks.
The moon has died
and taken the stars with her.
The crickets and the racket the make
has stopped forever.

my sweet little girl,
go to sleep.
Drink this poison and
take these pills.
Wish the shattered fragments
of your life a final goodnight.
Don’t be scared;
just know, alright,
that I won’t be here when
you wake up to darkness
to wish you good morning
ever again.

- fortyeight


I have this overwhelming urge
to tell you about this girl;
I think about her all the time
and she’s completely out of this world.

I told myself I wasn’t going to
write about her anymore.
It seems I’ve broken that promise,
but I’ve done it before.

I don’t even know where to start.

She’s beautiful
to the point where
it’s impossible to do
anything else
but stare.

I don’t think she sees
herself the same way I do,
but I’ll say everything I can
til’ she sees things
from my point of view.

She’s funny as all hell, too.
I can’t count the times
she’s left me in stitches
just by uttering a single word.
I even make her laugh too, sometimes.

She’ll think I’m laughing at her,
instead of with her,
but that’s never the case.
It should be quite easy to tell,
honestly, when I’ve got that huge,
stupid smile plastered across my face.

She’s caring,
like no other I’ve ever met.
She’ll stay up late with me
in my time of need and
never get upset.

She thinks it’s normal to do that.
Like every person on Earth
would do the exact same.
No one’s ever been there for me
like she has, though. That’s why
I smile whenever I speak her name.

But reader, I also have an urge
to be honest with you.

I don’t think I’m good enough.
Good enough for her or
every wonderful detail
she brings along.

I feel as if I don’t deserve
any of this at all.
Usually, I feel huge -
but compared to her
I feel small.

I know I shouldn’t.
And I know that when she reads this,
she’s going to think the same.

She’s breathtaking,
and absurd.

She’s amazing,
truly beautiful
and in one word;


And after all this time,
I still can’t believe it.

- fortyeight (stupid and head over heels)